Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
