I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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