i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
