put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
