Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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