About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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