Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
