So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
