Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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