your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
