I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
