watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
