At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
