I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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