$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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