Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
