Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
