this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
