You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize