he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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