Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
