My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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