At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
