Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
