My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
