what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
