Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
