Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
