For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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