Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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