They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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