i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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