He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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