I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
