I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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