She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
