you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
