from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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