Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
