very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
