I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
