Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
