Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
