Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
