can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
