Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
