Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
