WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
