check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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