Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
