i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
