hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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