whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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