I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
