i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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