He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
