Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
