please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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