A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am spending my child support on dildos
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
