dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
whose ass print is on the piano?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
