ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
