I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
3pm strippers are depressing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
