Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
