I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
