I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize