Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
