U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
