i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
