I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
