you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
