I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
