Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
