You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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